EPISODE 5: OH BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?

Kaitlin: "That conversation about our parents really didn't go well. There's too many memories that I've tried to put behind me... Try to forget, but how do you forget? How do you forget that you are the reason why your parents have died that night? I was the one that pushed the candle over, not them! They were just lying there on the floor passed out when I tried to wake them up. It was their 10th anniversary and they were just celebrating. What was wrong with that?"

*start crying*

  "I know I was just a child, almost 10, I couldn't really do anything to help them, but I could've tried at least....."

*Kaitlin throws off her mic and runs out* 

The Gov: "All this recent talk of parents and bad childhoods really opened up some old wounds for me... *Coughs* I rarely speak of this sort of thing in public but... It really made my heart ache and not in the eating a triple-stack cheeseburger sense if you get what I mean! *Laughs and Coughs*
This may shock and horrify some people to hear this but I was once a father you know, yeah the balding fat guy had offspring, go figure huh? I'll have you know I was quite the looker 20 years ago! Think Danny Devito meets Richard Gere, anyways...
It was the early 90s and I had just started my first political campaign in my home state of Washington. Well to cut a long story short my first wife who I shall only name as "The Wailing Banshee" and I had some disagreements..."

 *Coughs and softly sobs* 

"We went through a messy divorce, The bloodsucking press really went to town and well she took my only son with her. It was all in the gossip columns, The National Enquirer had a 3-page scoop on it, the works...
It was just awful, I lost contact with them not long after, I never got to see him grow up, it still pains me to this day. I've had some low points during my career but having my son taken from me has to be my rock bottom...
Wait a sec, why the hell am I telling you all this?! Christ, look at me! I'm tearing up over all this shit! This interview is over!"

~DAY 5~

Fabio: "It's strange. As much as Kenneth is a huge skeeze, I sort of feel bad for him having to leave because of his mom's health. I know what it's like to lose a mother, and it's an awful, awful thing.
That said, I knew Kenneth wasn't the Mole. But his exit saved our exemptions for the next quiz, which means I won't be going home soon. So at least we have that going. Maybe the jokes will finally stop when I make it far in this game."
Yan the cameraman: "They won't."
Fabio: "Damn it. Well then, I'll just have to win this for my sis and papa and show everyone. Yes...they'll see. THEY'LL ALL SEE."
Yan the cameraman: "Nutjob."

Linda: "To be honest, I was upset when Fabio told me I was acting disrespectful for talking badly about my parents. My parents were horrible people that killed people for the sake of artwork. They caused my childhood to be traumatizing, and if it weren't for people like Mario, Link, and Pac-Man, my life would have been completely different if I even had a life to continue living then...."

*a single tear rolls down her cheek and drops from her chin*
"...Anyway, let's not talk about depressing things. There is a reason why Fabio is a NPC as he should not talk about things he has no experience dealing with. I understand Fabio's situation, but he shouldn't criticize people for acting disrespectful towards people I have very little positive feelings for."

Indigo: "Do you wanna know what is creasing me the most at the moment? Most of the contestants are so self-absorbed, they didn't even bother to care why Kenneth left the game. I could lynch this Governor guy again for his dumb comment. I get that everybody wants to win, I mean I want to win as well, but it seems like most people forget human decency while trying to hard and probably fail anyway. But something else is bothering me. It seems like that the production was so busy putting the craziest people in Mole history together that they totally forgot the LGBTQ+ representation. Although I still have my bet on Tamela and Kaitlin with their bromance-ish behavior, although I think I will lose my money on it, I hardly see any inch of it. I mean what about Giles, Paul or even Taz or oddly enough Ben, just mentioning a few of my personal favorites."

Yan The Cameraman: "...umm, I'm gay?..."

Indigo: "We been knew, Yan. Your colleague E-Kat spoiled it on the Fan Page of The Mole. Also you do not count in my rating because you are just a camera guy."

Yan The Cameraman: "She did WHAT?!?! Katharina, you gossipy little bitch!!!"

E-Kat (Production Member): "Oh come on, don't you think it is quite obvious anyway?"

Yan The Cameraman: "Ugh, I'll deal about you later..."

Indigo: "That is my key to leave. Since I was the sole female winner of the last challenge, I gotta claim the throne that The Saturn Queen deserves. I can't wait to see Evarrine's face, hahaha." 

The Gov: "You know, Ms. Anderson, you seem pretty cheery for what's happened this morning..."

Throvan: "What has happened?"

The Gov: "They confiscated her cat."

Taiha: "Yes, they did... Or did they...?" ;-)

Throvan: "Did they or did they not?"

Taiha: "They did......n't."

The Gov: "I have no time for riddles, Miss Anderson!"

Taiha: "Shhh, Grey is talking!!"

GREY: "Hello, contestants. Here is your briefing on today's mission..."

GREY: "The mission presented to you today will be the same that the contestants from Season 1 faced early on in their season..."

GREY: "DRAW-A-PHONE!"

Tamela: "Hey, look, Nwa! There's you on the screen."

 Fabio: "I'M NOT NWA."

Indigo: "You're like a real-life video game character or something!"

Linda: "Real-life video game character? Sounds a bit redundant..."

GREY: "Attention back to me, please... Thanks. So, the only difference between the original mission and this one is that there will be 4 rounds instead of 2, there will be no hidden exemptions offered, and... because we have an odd number of people playing, there will be an additional role: the Picker. The picker will be provided 4 different words from a given category, and whatever they pick from that list of 4 will be what's being drawn for that round...

And that's it! Each round is worth $50, and it's pass or fail. 

My co-host will fill you in on the rest.

Good luck my little artistes!!"

Taiha: "...Brother??"

Taiha: "BROTHER!!"

Kaitlin: "Oh brother..."

Artie: "Iz zis an exposition d'art??"

Remy: "Zat it is, Artie! ZAT it is....."

Artie: "Comme ç'est magnifique!!!!!"

Taiha: "OMG Rems, what are you doing here?!!?"

Aiden: "I think he be da co-host..."

Taiha: "I know THAT, silly billy! But like... Here! With me!! And Grey!! Wait, no, he's replaced Grey... Suddenly I'm less excited..."

Remy: "Yeah, speaking of Grey... I have something to tell you, sis..."

Tamela: "Has he been arrested again?"

Aiden: "Has he bin aten by uh gator? Or a shark?? How 'bout uh gatorshark?!?"

Remy: "What?? No."

Remy: "...Wait, what's a gatorshark?! That sounds TERRIFYING! EEK!!"

Taiha: "We can figure that out later, but first, what about my husband??"

Remy: "Well, it's just that..."

Taiha: "Just WHAT?"

Remy: "Your obsession with Grey, Taiha! It's embarrassing! You're embarrassing the whole family!"

*stunned silence*

Taiha: "Acca-SCUSE me??"

Remy: "You treat him like royalty and he treats you like dirt! How do you not see it?!"

Taiha: "He just doesn't like to show his true emotions. He's like a cat!"

Remy: "Hahaha, if he was a cat, Taiha, he'd be hissing at you every time you walk by him! He's just not that into you... More specifically: He's not into women in general!"

Taiha: "He's just too much of a pussy to ask me out!"

Remy: "No, he just doesn't like pussy... If you catch my drift, hehe."

Taiha: "REMIEL!"

Remy: "What?? I learned that word from you, y'know..."

Taiha: "No you didn't!"

Remy: "Yes I did! Remember our first cat? Remember what you named her?"

Taiha: "Pebbles?"

Remy: "No, the stray we found in the creek."

Taiha: "Pussy Galore?"

Remy: "Precisely."

Taiha: "Are we done here??"

Remy: "Yes, we're done. But you need to move on from Grey, Tay! He's not worth your time or effort or energy! You need to reserve all those things for this game, OK? Mum and dad are counting on you to bring home another fat check!!"

Taiha: "Well, what does the peanut gallery think?"

*CRICKETS*

Remy: "So that's cool. No one's gonna back me up?"

Artie: "Pardon, it'z juzt mon hands are ITCHING to start dessin... er, drawing. Oui oui!! Let ze drawing begin, pleaze!"

Fabio: "I'll say something. I do think it's a bit demeaning on Taiha's part when she throws herself onto Grey. I think she's a fantastic woman and she really ought to respect herself more by--"

Remy: "Sorry, but who are you?"

Fabio: "It's me, Fabio! Remember me?? We played on the same season together 6 years ago!!"

Remy: "Never seen you before in my life."

Fabio: "Well, you never had the best memory..."

Remy: "So now you're insulting me??"

Fabio: "Not at all, it's just, well, you know... You had a mental condition."

Remy: "I'm gonna have to ask you to please leave, sir. We're trying to film a show here."

Fabio: "But I'm a contestant! I can't just sit out of a challenge!!"

Remy: "Can we get security out here?? This man won't leave and is beginning to threaten the players."

Fabio: "Threaten the players?!? What are you talking about??"

Remy: "SECURITY!"

* * * * *

Remy: "Right. Sorry about that mishap, folks! Onto the mission at hand!"

Remy: "There will be 4 rounds. The category for each round is as follows:

ROUND 1: ANIMALS

ROUND 2: TRANSPORTATION

ROUND 3: FRUITS/VEGETABLES

ROUND 4: CLOTHING/ACCESSORIES."

Remy: "Minus a few exceptions, everyone will draw twice and guess twice, and order is mostly random. 

This game is the same as Telestrations, where the goal is for the last guesser to correctly match the starting word; just like my favorite game: 'Telephone'!!"

Remy: "The 4 individuals randomly chosen as the Pickers will pick which item/thing will be drawn momentarily. But first, I forgot to mention the three drawing rules:

-Must be made ENTIRELY of black straight lines and dots (no curves or colors)
-Must use no more than 15 lines & dots
-You may not write numbers or letters

Other than that, everything is free game!"

Remy: "As for the Mole's Advantage? She or he will know the list of possible words for each round.

Now, let the rounds begin!!"

".... CUE THE MISSION MONTAGE!!!"

Artie: "Alright. Who waz it? Who pipi on ze floor again??"

Kaitlin: "Don't look at me! It was probably the hill-billy!"

Aiden: "Dat's RUDE. Just cuz mah momma still changes mah diapers time from time??"

Artie: "I 'ave lozt all faith en humanité..."

Evarrine: "Took you long enough."

The Gov: "Sweetheart, I lost faith in humanity LONG ago. If politics has taught me ANYTHING, it's that humans are only capable of thinking for themselves, even when they don't think so."

Linda: "And you people think I'm crazy for not befriending real humans..... Ha!"

Remy: "Okay guys! I sense one of my childish episodes coming on so let's quickly get to the results, shall we?"

Remy: "For Round 1, Aiden had the choice between the following animals:

Giraffe

Dragon

Turtle

Butterfly

...

He chose DRAGON."

"In response, Artie drew..."

"Evarrine then guessed GRASSHOPPER, in which Fabio drew..."

"The Governor guessed CRICKET, in which Indigo drew..."

"Kaitlin guessed SPIDER, in which Linda drew..."

"Taiha guessed DOG, in which Throvan drew..."

"The last person to go was Tamela, and her guess was..... DOG.

Unfortunately, "Dog" does not match "Dragon", but it doesn't matter anyway since Fabio's drawing already broke multiple rules, rendering the entire round void of any money."

Remy: "For Round 2: TRANSPORTATION, Throvan had the choice between the following:

Jet

Limo

Yacht

Pirate Ship

...

He chose LIMO."

"First person to draw was Tamela. This is what she drew!"

"Taiha guessed PASSENGER TRAIN, in which Linda drew..."

"Kaitlin guessed TRAIN, in which Indigo drew..."

"The Governor guessed TRUCK, in which Fabio drew..."

"Evarrine guessed TRUCK, in which Artie drew..."

Remy: "The last person to go was Aiden, and his guess was..... MONSTER TRUCK.

Unfortunately, a Monster Truck is not the same as a Limo, so that's another $50 lost to the Mole's Stash."

Remy: "For Round 3, Indigo had the choice between the following fruits & veggies:

Apple

Onion

Pineapple

Coconut

...

She chose ONION."

"The Governor was the first to draw. Here's his drawing!"

"Linda guessed PUMPKIN, in which Taiha drew..."

 

"Artie guessed WATERMELON, in which Aiden drew..."

 

"Tamela guessed WATERMELON, in which Evarrine drew..."

"Throvan guessed PUMPKIN, in which Kaitlin drew..."

Remy: "The last person to go was Fabio, and his guess was..... APPLE.

Although an apple, was, in fact, one of the original options to pick, the Picker, Indigo, did NOT choose apple, and instead chose onion. Since an onion is not an apple, this is another failed round. 

But it wouldn't have mattered either way, since Kaitlin's drawing exceeded the 15 limit."

Remy: "For Round 4: CLOTHING/ACCESSORIES, Evarrine had the choice between the following:

Robe

Watch

Neck Tie

Crown

...

She chose ROBE."

"Here's Kaitlin's drawing!"

"Fabio guessed KARATE GI, in which Throvan drew..."

"Tamela guessed ROBE, in which Taiha drew..."

 

"Artie guessed PEIGNOIR, in which The Governor drew..."

"Linda guessed DUCK COSTUME, in which Aiden drew..."

Remy: "The last person to guess was Indigo, and her guess was..... PATRICK STAR."

Taiha: "You have CATS to be kitten me right meow!"

Tamela: "Patrick Star?? That's not even a clothing item!"

Indigo: "Well, I'M SORRY for not wanting to say 'KKK Outfit'..."

Throvan: "I gather we have earned no money to our collective pot?"

Evarrine: "You gather correctly. But why am I not surprised? You peasants are not even capable of basic infantile doodling!"

Artie: "Zis iz ridicule!! Iz EVERYONE ze Mole zis saison?!?"

The Gov: "Hold on everyone, I have an idea... If you're the Mole, blink!!"

Linda: "Ha-ha, real funny, Governor...."

Kaitlin: "Not really. His jokes are horrendous."

The Gov: "Ouch. Suppose it's a good thing I chose the office over stand-up, huh? Harhar!" *coughs*

Aiden: "Are we still goin'? I haven't blink yet!"

Fabio: "OH boy..."

Aiden: "Mah eyes are beg'ning to hurts real bad..."

Fabio: "Are you crying??"

Aiden: "NO! I stink someone's bin cuttin' onions in here..."

Fabio: "Cutting? No. Drawing? Sí."

Aiden: "OWCHIES! Someone send halp!! MAH EYES BE STINGING LIKE DA STINGER OF AN ANGRY MOMMA HORNET!"

Remy: "Annnd on THAT note, I gotta go catch a flight back to Australia!"

Taiha: "Nooo Rems! But we have so much to catch up on!!"

Remy: "Tays, it hasn't even been a full week since you left home...."

Taiha: "Ugh. Fine... Hey. Did you, uh... Did you bring that dufflebag like you promised?"

Remy: "As a matter of fact, yes... It's already in the car!"

Taiha: "OMG you're the best brother a sister could ask for!"

Remy: "Alright, gotta leave now. BYE-BYE EVERYONE!!"

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